Journal Entry 2/9/24
Another poem from Mary Oliver’s Thirst inspired this entry.
She speaks of the initial light we feel when awakened and then; “Now the darkness grows, and it is filled with crooked things, bitter and weak, each one bearing my name.”
This reminds me of my own journey inward, so essential to our true awakening that leads us to that enlightenment that was there all along, lying in wait. It can be a long, painful journey sorting through the dark places, the muck and mire of life and perhaps even the remnants of past lives.
Like a big ball of yarn, I unraveled every string slowly and painfully at times as I did seven years of intense Swadhyaya, (self study). Strings of beliefs, expectations and demands that made my life more difficult because so much of what I believed and was taught was not in alignment with my authentic self. Sometimes the unraveling happened quickly and easily, perhaps even joyfully as I slowly made my way to my own inner truth. One day the light began to shine through, after years and countless hours of my Yoga practice, meditation, journaling, self-reflection, walking in the woods, sitting by the lake or the ocean in silence and solitude.
As the light within began to shine I experienced clarity of mind, vision, intuition, and the once elusive yet familiar I Am appeared. To experience union with the Divine is beyond words. To know myself, to respect myself, and finally to love myself is priceless.
This journey is not for everyone and yet it is necessary for everyone to make the journey. Not everyone can retreat to the mountains for three years as I did, living in solitude without distraction immersing myself in the glorious lessons I learned in nature. I saw beauty in the imperfections everywhere around me and at the time I felt very damaged and broken. God showed me every moment of every day that there is perfection in the imperfection. There is beauty in the broken. That God dwells within each and every one of us.
My life has been full of challenges, sometimes without pause from one to the next and yet this journey inward has been invaluable not only for myself, for my life, but for the work I do as a spiritual guide, teacher, and healer. I know there is value, meaning and purpose in every single moment of your life. We always have the choice to learn from it or be paralyzed by it.
Through my own journey inward I can move through life with more ease and grace. With the deepest gratitude…I bow.
