I had the privilege of being with a great Teacher 6 days a week, usually 50 hours a week for four years and studied with him for six. Every moment in his presence was an opportunity to learn and I took full advantage of every opportunity. He was constantly directing me to myself; presenting questions for me to explore, to learn about myself and to increase my awareness of my learned patterns of behavior and the tapes that played over and over in my mind. Because these questions helped me to understand myself and let go of that which no longer serves me…I began to heal and change my life.

One of the most powerful questions he asked me still, to this day, stands out. It is a two part question.  What is your tolerance for discomfort? The result was at the time: I have a high tolerance for discomfort BECAUSE I was so used to it. There was comfort in discomfort because I seemed to experience it in some way shape or form throughout my life.

But then he asked this question:

What is your tolerance for feeling good?

To be completely honest…this is the question that stopped me in my tracks. Being treated like I was special? Being treated with kindness and love and respect? There were moments…but it was not the norm for me. I was in relationships where love hurt, there were lots of tears, disappointments, and getting down to the bottom of this question…I had very low tolerance for feeling good and for being treated well. Whenever a nice young man was attracted to me or asked me out I said no. A nice guy was so outside the box it was very uncomfortable for me.

This is the question that was the catalyst for some serious self inquiry. When I realized there was a cap on my tolerance for feeling wonderful and more importantly for being treated in relationship with all good qualities…I had to take a good long look at myself, the patterns of behavior, acquired beliefs, learned thoughts, and the "grooves in the record" of my mind that were so deeply imbedded in my psyche.  And look I did. I spent years exploring this question until I finally came to the conclusion that this is not what I want. This is not what I deserve. This is not who I am…but what I was taught in many ways throughout my childhood and life.

Through this journey to self love I have no cap on my tolerance for feeling wonderful, amazing and capable. There is no cap on my tolerance for happiness. Today I only have the very best relationships BECAUSE I love myself and respect myself and expect nothing but the very best that life and love have to offer me. Everyone in my life is an expression of the very best of humanity. They are expressions of love, respect, gratitude, joy, kindness, generosity, compassion, patience….all that is good, wonderful and amazing.

Every moment of every day I have a choice. I choose how to live, how to express, how to give, how to be, how to love and how to BE loved. It is through finding myself that I grew to love and accept myself and the best part of all…are all the wonderful, amazing, loving people I have attracted into my life and my world. Today I am in a relationship that is so easy, so comfortable, and wonderful that "it's almost scary"…but I watch my thoughts, recognize the old stuff, let it go and enjoy the moment. Do I have moments of fear? Yes I do. In order to experience and embrace the wonderful…I must expose myself to the unknown…but to do and be anything less is not living. I choose to Live and to Love….take the chance. May you remember that you are the creator of your life by what you think, what you say, what you do, the choices and decisions you make. You are the creator of your life by how  you love, choose to be loved and live. May you remember to think the very best thoughts of yourself, your life and the world around you. May you remember that you are valuable and worthy and that you deserve the very best in life and love.

With love & blessings,
Kathleen